My Leaving Speech

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Guild Council!

Anyone who knows me will tell you, that I am a closet geek for film and television. When I ran in the Exec Elections 2007, I saw the whole two week adventure as a film, with myself as the dashing lead tackling the drama of a student election. Well, if the election was the film, then this past year has been the spin-off TV series of the movie.

And being a Sabb is like living through a whole range of television.

Some days I feel like I’m in 24 – because there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Other days it’s more like Lost – because I just haven’t got a clue what’s going on. I usually respond to stuff with: "Don't know, don't know, ask Lizzy, ask Rhea."
Then on other days it’s like Big Brother – a bunch of misfits in a house and everyone is bickering with each other. Sabb Catch-Up, anyone?

But above all else, being a Sabb is like being a contestant on The Apprentice. Forget a twelve-week interview process. We have just lived a twelve-month interview process. Only the irony is, we were given the job based on manifestos and gimmicks and only afterwards did the real interview begin.

And as Lee McQueen, winner of this year’s Apprentice said: “If you don’t perform, you’re out. Simple as that.”

And Lee is spot on. We were all put here by students and we can have our term of office be taken away by students. So we have to perform. We have to represent. We have to make life better for our membership and guide this Guild in the right direction. Because there is no greater motivator, no greater pressure, than having 3,000 votes resting on your shoulders.

And I hope I have earned those votes this year because the morning after Results Night, I woke up (fully-clothed) with the VPDR Elect badge hanging around my neck... and I was brickin’ it. And I still am now.

The most common question I'm usually asked about my time as a Sabb (normally on one of the bad days when I'm looking a bit worn out) is: "Do you wish now that you hadn’t run?"

Quite simply, no. Absolutely not.

Yes, this has been a hard year. Yes, there have been times when I’ve spent the night awake worrying about e-voting crashing. And some days I’ve been exhausted and felt like I was walking under water.

But when I look back on past Semesters, I only remember the good stuff. I remember training the RAs in the Shropshire Woods, or breaking quoracy during the Refendum, or getting the Award for Most Improved Bar at the NUSSL Awards, or team-building at Lizzy’s Farm, or setting foot on the NUS Conference Floor (which by the way is the largest democratic event in Western Europe and truly breath-taking).

To quote David Brent who is quoting Dolly Parton: "Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don't know whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down."

And this year has been full of peaks and troughs. My highest peak of this year – without a doubt – was the Referendum. And not just breaking quoracy but the whole trip. Door-knocking, the events in Halls, the balloons, the badges and seeing those giant inflatable letters inflated for the first time (which I'm still amazed they let me buy!) And it was our highest turnout in fifteen years and it affected everything.

Ironically, my lowest trough of the year happened just four weeks later – the Exec Elections, which led to our lowest turnout in recent years. It was always going to be the difficult second album. At the time, it was like the organisation had just topped Mount Everest and then were told we still had the Himalayas to go.

Speculation can run wild on this. Maybe it was e-voting, maybe it was a lower number of candidates, maybe it was because there was not much fancy dress. Or maybe the NUS are right about this Election Fatigue that they keep publishing papers about – how you can’t have two massive engagement votes in the space of each other.

Either way, it was hard and still is hard to hear people berating the low turnout. Especially as people seemed to have forgotten our most monumental democratic achievement this year which occurred a month before and saw 4,000 people vote.

And frustratingly, I had such great plans for those elections. I was going to expand and relocate the Hustings, I was going to provide day-long training for the candidates and I was hoping to do lecture shout-outs in the months leading up to the nominations.

But that’s all going in the Handover Folder and next year I have every confidence we’ll annihilate that turnout.

As for the second most common question I get asked, it is usually: "How did I cope?"

Well, aside from TV and the gym, it was my colleagues and friends who got me through this year. But I’ll save the Sabbs till last because I desperately want to make some of them cry.

So firstly – our most valuable resource: the non-Sabbs.

Non-Sabbs are great.

They remind me of that fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm about the Elves and the Shoemaker. Bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this. Because I often go days without seeing the non-Sabbs and then without me noticing they have come into the Guild and performed some great achievement. Whether it’s a BNP protest, a Post-Graduate Ball, a Council Chambers full of Home Students in Welcome Week or a new Environmental Policy – I am never anything short of impressed. Especially, considering they are still doing their studies.

And that is the other most important aspect to non-Sabbs: they are still students! We sit in our offices, waffling about students’ issues all day but the non-Sabbs are out there, in our libraries, in our lecture theatres, ears-to-the-ground, living the student experience.

Their input and campaigns are vital to what we do and I hope I have always appreciated you being there for us.

I’m going to single-out Julien, because I’ve worked with him most closely this year on Sound Impact and environmental issues. Julien is the most passionate individual I have ever met, so much so that he has troubles controlling the volume of his voice and new decibel levels are reached in my office whenever we’re meeting about stuff.

He is also intensely ethical – he wears his conscience on his sleeve and thinks about everything at great length before committing to it. I have watched Julien progress and develop a lot this year and he is barely recognisable to the guy who used to sit on the back row and heckle the Exec. It's been a pleasure to work with the guy.

So non-Sabbs are great.

But the most forgotten of the Guild Officers are the Independent Chairs. The Chairs make a huge sacrifice to do their job because they have to give up student-staff jobs, society positions, Guild Councillor votes – and for this sacrifice they do one of the hardest jobs and are seldom thanked. Well, I’m thanking you now. Thank you, thank you, danke shon.

We have been nothing short of blessed this year to have such a great trio of Independent Chairs. This Guild Council has been turned around superbly in twelve months. The meetings always end at a reasonable hour, the introduction of the frogs has worked smoothly and I like to feel that everyone knows what’s going on nowadays.

Fabian – I have never met anyone so passionate about democracy as you. You have been a fantastic guy to work with and the Guild is lucky to have you as an Independent Chair for the next year.

Hannah – I am chuffed to bits that you are my Elect. You know the Guild inside-and-out and your heart is firmly in the right place. I can’t promise that our handover will be as great as it was two weeks ago at the Union Show where we were showered with free alcohol, but it will be pretty close.

And Will – I need to thank you especially because the hardest parts of my year have been during Election Season. You have been there throughout all eight cross-campus elections. You have been absolutely selfless, attending every Elections Committee meeting, helping me tackle the hardest investigations that could ever have been thrown at me and I owe you so much. Your judgement and advice has always been spot-on and I owe you more than a few drinks. And when you become a teacher, let me know where, because I’ll be sending my kids to your school.

Okay, so, They Who Must Not Be Named… the staff! Well, I’ll save my staff thanks for my leaving-do otherwise the Chairs might start whacking the gavel at me.

So let’s do the Sabbs. In no particular order… I’ll start with Bolt.

There are two things that impress me about Vice-President of Welfare Sarah Bolt.

Number One, I have never seen anybody achieve so much.
Number Two, I have never seen anybody drink so much.

Vodbolt’s got that perfect balance between being an Officer and being a student, which is probably why her campaigns are so relevant and registered across campus. In one year alone, she has delivered on the fully-functioning Night Bus, a Mental Health Week (including writing the University’s Mental Health Policy), she has put Disabled Students back on the agenda, won a classic victory for Post-Graduate Council Tax and she ran nationally for the National Executive Committee on the NUS.

She didn’t win :(

But their loss is our gain and they will never know what they had missed out on. And I respect you so much for just going for it anyway, no factional support, no year of duty on the Block of Twelve… you simply knew you could do a better job, armed yourself with orange t-shirts and condoms and male/female Chlamydia tests (which by the way, I’m pretty sure I mixed up when handing them out) and you just went for it.

You are quality.

Next… Vice-President of Housing & Community, Naushabah Khan.

What is Naush?!

I’ve actually known Naush the longest. She was the first girl I spoke to since arriving at Uni and I was her first guy. I later found out she thought I was gay. And I think she probably still does …

We have many names for Naush around the office. Naush ‘Ghengis’ Khan, Naushy Naushy, Tasmanian Devil… but my favourite is Happiness on Heels. Because we all love Naush and she makes me happy without even trying or realising and that is a wonderful thing to be able to do.

Admittedly, there’s times when I’m scared of her. And we are all lucky to have her fighting for our housing rights because when we set her off over at HAS, she is a little like Scrappy-Doo and we have to hold her back: “Let me at him, let me at him!” But she’s also very sweet and my days will be a lot less interesting without her being around.

Vice-President of Sport, Will Bastin. My fellow bloke!

I’m an only child. So everywhere I go I look for foster siblings. And Will is both like a little brother and a big brother at the same time – although it usually depends on whether he has been out the night before.

Will has single-handedly helped me survive a Sabb corridor full of girls. Because when the going got tough, we got to the gym or went for a run or went hunting or started a fire and poked it with a stick :)

Will is a legend in every sense of the word. He is one of the most disciplined, hard-working and thoughtful people I have worked with this year. He juggled his Sabb job with playing for the first basketball team and was working twelve hour days for a long time on top of his rigorous training schedule.

He is an inspiration to me and not only does he keep me in shape and look after the guns – but he keeps my whole being in shape, making sure I don’t breakdown and keep coming to work, even on the hard days. So, thanks for being there bro.

And if Will is my brother, then Lizzy is my sister. And my friend. And my landlady (although you need to sort out Matt Targett's washing-up). And my mentor. And my greatest source of advice. And, if my Mum gets her way, she’ll be employing me in the future.

The first time my Mum met Lizzy, she asked if Lizzy would give me a job. Now, I’m not sure exactly what it is that my Mum thinks Lizzy does – but either way, I’d happily let her be my boss one day.

Because, I am genuinely scared of life without Lizzy. The past three years she has always been there for me. She was my President during my service to the mighty Carnival. And then she was my campaigning partner. And then she let me into her house. And now she cooks my lasagne.

So the idea that one day I won’t bump into Lizzy in the corridor or on campus frightens my immensely and makes me feel really sad and alone. But… that’s why we have Facebook! So I love you lots and I respect everything you have ever said or done or are about to do.

And now for Vice-President of Education & Access, Laura Sadler.

I am in awe of Laura Sadler. You may not know this but this is her third year on the Exec. Two years ago, she created the position for Home Students’ Officer because she identified a problem and sorted it out. She even met Gordon Brown because this was such an impressive achievement.

In her spare time, Laura jets around the world to Japan and Albania helping out Scouts and Guides. She’s like an international agent for the rights of young people.

And furthermore, she destroyed a car park! She realised it was unsafe for Home Students who mostly travel to Uni by car and asked the University for better CCTV. And then, when the University investigated, they instead discovered that it was structurally unsound and next minute they destroyed it!

I feel very privileged to have worked with Laura this year. She is the peak of professionalism, she always has time and guidance for the rest of us, she e-mails us articles about education issues, she fought to maintain the abortion time limit at 24-weeks and her drowning in debt campaign is so good, that the mighty Leeds have totally ripped it off! They even gave it the same name!

So Sadler, you are amazing.

Okay, lastly, top of the pile, the gaffer! The President – Rhea Keehn.

I reckon you all probably underestimate Rhea the most. Because, she is the first to admit that she isn’t one for ranting on a podium in Guild Council, making profound speeches. She may sometimes seem quiet whilst I’m doing all the talking (trying to be funny) but believe me when I say this: Rhea is the best thing that has happened to this Guild and she has driven every step of change that you have seen (or not seen) this year!

She has revolutionised it. When we all arrived, she had a hard time getting started. There was not a scrap of paper left in her office when she moved in and whilst this wasn’t great for handover, it at least gave her a blank canvas to work with. And starting with the bare bones of our governance structures, she painted a picture and worked up.

And thank goodness she did because the Guild was in a right jumble when we started. And not just in terms of Governance. The University perceived us as a very unprofessional little pest. Our communication internally and externally was confused. And all the while, the Satellite Site remained ignored and disengaged.

And Rhea has now set things back on track... in less than a year! The Referendum passed, the bye-laws passed and we are heading full-steam into a new company, a new Guild, on 1st August and Rhea is in the driving seat.

Moreover, our relationship with the University has never been better, the Satellite Sites are back in touch with us thanks to Rhea’s mini-Guild campaign and feedback from the SUEI evaluation says that our Guild staff is working together and working harder than ever before because of the motivation from the Officer team.

Rhea is a great leader and I turn to her whenever I’m stressing out because I get reassured, relaxed and reminded about why I got myself into this job in the first place. Rhea loves this place and it shines through in everything that she does and she has had a difficult time this year in all areas of life but she keeps coming back and kicking ass.

Groucho Marx once said: “Only one man in a thousand is a leader, the other 999 follow women.” Well, I reckon ten times that number would follow Rhea.

We all did cheesy posters at the start of the year and Rhea’s quote was: “I’m not the President, I’m your President.”

Well, you have taken that so seriously this year because you have been absolutely selfless this year. We always come first, the students always come first – and for that reason more than anything – you are our President. And you are my President.

RIGHT! Tears… done!

Thanks are over so where are we going from here?

The future!

It’s very exciting. You have elected another exciting and dynamic team of Officers. They have much in common with our team – a great mix of ex-RAs, Guild Councillors, Brummies, outsiders and mighty representatives from Carnival.

So, let me give you some advice.

Look after yourself. Sleep. Exercise. Eat fruit.
Look after the staff. They will get you through the year. Keep them motivated.
Look after the students. You were put here by them. Keep that in mind.
Look after each other. Your greatest support is in each other. Make sure you are crying this time next year... for the right reasons.
And most importantly, look after the Guild. This place means so much to so many people. Keep is heading in the right direction.

And whilst I’m dishing put advice… Guild Council, I am advising you to look after your Exec. Because if you look after your Exec, they will look after the Guild and the Guild will look after you.

Support them, help them, understand them. Realise that sometimes things will go wrong and the answer will be ‘no.’ They can’t move mountains. Although we certainly have climbed a few this year.

Don’t berate them for failing, thank them for trying.

I think all of us have had sleepless nights this year because of Guild business. That’s not because we’ve drank too much Redbull - that’s because we genuinely care about making life better for you.

And I’ve seen so much negativity this year.

I’ve seen my fellow Officers been asked snide and obnoxious questions to make them feel like failures, I’ve seen us reduced to tears after difficult meetings and - just thirty minutes after starting the Referendum Facebook Group - somebody had already written a negative comment. And I then had to carry that negativity around with me for the next two weeks of non-stop campaigning.

That’s not good enough. Once again: look after your Exec, they will look after the Guild and the Guild will look after you. Let’s bring the feel-good vibe back in the building.

And whilst I’m on this point, I was asked at the last Guild Council why more people don’t come to Guild Council. And by the end of the last meeting, that question was pretty much answered, when we wouldn’t let GTV change their name. We basically attacked those two poor girls over a name-change. Ridiculous!

They just wanted to change their name! And before they knew it, people started questioning them and speaking against them and throwing procedural motions left, right and centre. Watching from the sidelines, I just saw a room ganging up on two relative newcomers to our meeting. In my book, that is known as bullying.

And who wants to come to a meeting - a clique - and be bullied?! So getting people to Guild Council isn’t about simplifying the process, chopping procedural motions or offering more food... it’s about a change of culture and that won’t happy quickly. Just respect newcomers, let them in and help them out.

Because we are a Guild – a Union. And the word Union means to unite and pool together to make life better for us all. Let’s not forget that.

Anyway, the further future. It’s as exciting as ever. The Guild rumour-mill means that I’ve heard quite a few interesting names of people who may be running for the Exec next year.

My advice is go for it! And if you’re having doubts, go for it anyway! The experience of the two-week campaign is worth running alone because it is so much fun. And if you’re not having fun, then you’re doing something wrong.

And you’ll have the best, most intense, surprising, exciting and worthwhile year of your life if you do get elected.

And you get put up on the boards in the Council Chambers.

And that is forever.

Here's a few quick secrets to getting elected:-

Lots of fancy dress.
Lots of door-knocking.
Lots of fun :)

So, I’m done. I’ve reached the end of my year. I always panicked that I wouldn’t make an impact this year but as Gandalf said: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

Well, I’m leaving you with a green-lit building redevelopment.
I’m leaving you with our highest voter turnout in fifteen years.
I’m leaving you with a Sound Impact Award and the Most Improved Bar in the UK.
I’m leaving you with a whole host of blogs, with at least eighty posts on mine (I have too much time on my hands!).
I’m leaving you with giant inflatable letters – which are badly-punctured and we have no where to put them. Good luck with that, Hannah!

Most importantly, I’m leaving you hopefully with proof that anyone can step up and do this job. There are no obvious routes into life as a Sabb and it certainly wasn’t planned for a Carnival Receptionist such as myself. Although I'm glad to see a second Carnival Receptionist has made it as a Sabb - the Walkertron!

And I’m leaving you with a different, creative, unorthodox and (hopefully) successful way of doing things.

Quite simply, I’m leaving you.

Final words are always tricky. They have to be memorable and profound. Yet, bizarrely, the most memorable words I have ever uttered were the most ridiculous bag of cheesy nonsense that I’ve ever said.

This occurred two years ago on the podium of the Guild Awards 2006 when myself and Lizzy, partner-in-crime, were talking about our experience on Carnival.

And my final words were: “Some days it’s a duty, some days it’s a privilege, but its always a pleasure!”

And I’ve been plagued with that nonsense ever since! But at least it got remembered, so here comes my new hopefully immortal set of cheesiness.

“Now that my name is engraved on the Council Chambers boards…

I will always be here in the Guild and the Guild will always be here in my heart.”

Thank you x

Simon Fairbanks

Vice-President (Democracy & Resources)

2007-08