And Now For Something Completely Different...

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So life goes on.

I have left the Guild and now it's time to face the world.

Nearly every Final Year student I have ever met are nervous about graduating. And why not? We all have a logical path to follow in life until graduation. The conveyer belt of education leads us through Nursery, Primary School, Secondary School, Sixth Form, University...

But then the conveyer belt runs out. I was lucky enough to get myself a 'bonus' year at the Guild and put off the real world for a while longer. But now my conveyer belt has run out too.

So what's next?

Well, I had no idea either. Standard gap year? Temp and travel?

But then two Wednesdays ago I was offered a job at Nottingham Students' Union as their RA Development Worker. So I'll be staying in the student movement for a while longer it seems. There's still people to help after all.

So life goes on - and so does the conveyer belt.

I guess I'd be bored if I was standing still :)




The Adventures of Simon Fairbanks continue at www.simonfairbanks.blogspot.com!
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The End of All Things

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" I am glad to be with you, here at the end of all things." - Frodo Baggins, The Return of the King

Friday

Friday was a strange day for several reasons.

Firstly, we all woke up and realised that for the first time in 13-months we didn't have to head to the Guild for a meeting. Secondly, we realised that we were no longer Sabbs and our time had come to an end. Thirdly, we were all horrendously hungover and afros, medallions & bits of Abba costume were strewn around the house!

It was also the last day the seven Sabbs were going to be together in one room. Well, at least for a couple of months.

So all in all, I think we finally felt the sadness that we were too drunk to feel the day before.

But there's no sense in moping around.

Myself and Naush (former-VPHC) went to the cinema to see WALL.E and it is now my favourite Pixar film of all time. And then in the evening, Lizzy (former-VPSAD) cooked us all lasagne - the last supper.

Afterwards, we played University of Birmingham Monopoly. Annoyingly, the Guild is only valued at £160. And half of the Community Chest cards are derrogatory towards the Guild, such as: "You were found drunk in the student bar, pay a £100 fine!" Scandal! Maybe I should e-mail the VPDR?

Myself and Naush then went to say goodbye to the campus. And it rained - which really matched our mood.

Saturday

Saturday was rubbish because I had to say my goodbyes to the Sabbs. We dwindled throughout the morning, which made it harder. It felt like we were being picked off one-by-one.

Rhea went the day before, then Bolt shot off early because she was going to a wedding (not her own), then Will left, then Laura and then me. Naush and Lizzy waved me off.

Driving home, I couldn't believe I was leaving Birmingham. And I couldn't believe I was leaving the Guild. I had spent three years there as a Receptionist & Society member and then one further year there as one of its leaders. Sad times.

But it's in good hands. It has a brand new team, two new Senior Managers starting in a month's time and new governance structures in the form of the Mem & Arts and bye-laws which we all recently passed. I know it has a bright future ahead so I'm not going to worry.

Sunday

And now it's Sunday. I'm wrapping up this blog and then I will truly draw a line under the most exciting, intense, surprising, rewarding and memorable year of my life.

Without a doubt, the Guild has made me a better person.

I have learnt a vast amount, developed skills in new areas and made some lifelong friends. And a lot of that was before I became an Officer. This past year was my chance to give something back and I really hope that I have helped make life better for our vast membership.

I think about some of the stuff I achieved...

(The Guild is now more environmental, its three-phased Building Redevelopment is green-lit and underway as I type, we achieved our first quorate Referendum in fifteen years, we underwent a successful transition to e-voting, a new website is on its way, Guild Council passed my motion to provide English students with a better provision of Shakespeare texts in the Main Library)

...and I feel glad that I made a difference.

But it's the little things that count more. I like to think I was an approachable Officer, always keen to listen and learn from the students that I helped represent. And I think, ultimately, that is what makes you a good Officer: just being there for the students in their time of need.

Anyway, I could look back and reflect on my Sabbatical year all night (and probably for the rest of my life) but right now it's my fellow Officers that I miss.

So I dedicate this blog to you guys! I love you all and it has been incredibly enjoyable, emotional and rewarding working with each of you.

Stay classy, Guild of Students x

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Our Leaving Party --> 70s Superstars on Skates!

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There were times during the year that we thought our final day of being Sabbatical Officers would never arrive.

But last Thursday when it did arrive, our final day felt like it had come round too quickly.

Either way, it was an unforgettable end to a phenomenal year! Sabbs and Staff alike were dressed in their finest 70s gear: the girl Sabbs dressed like Abba and the boy Sabbs kitted out in afros and medallions.

The Guild had also arranged a surprise for us! We expected the BBQ but no-one anticipated the theme of our social... a roller-disco in the Underground!

We therefore spent the afternoon skating around in circles to various 70s soundtracks. There were a few slips and trips (and I was rubbish) but it was awesome fun.

The Guild were very generous and got us a selection of gifts, including a signed picture frame, a poem written by our PA and an engraved bookmark. In return, we bought our General Manager an engraved pen and left a poem of our own - which I wrote but can't remember! It's in the Staff Room of the Guild if you're interested.

After the celebrations at the Guild, we headed out and followed the standard Guild pattern: Gunnies, Revolution, Flares, Tap & Spile.

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It was an epic day!

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Thank you to all the Staff who organised the party and celebrated with us! It has been a pleasure working with you all.

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The New VPDR!

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Well, it's Sunday 3rd August and after a manic final week, I am now no longer the VPDR.

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But a quiet Sunday afternoon seemed like the perfect time to wrap up this blog.

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So, exciting times, you now have a new VPDR - Hannah Lazell!

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We have spent all of July handing over to our Elects and I have been passing on to Hannah everything that I know (or at least everything that I can remember). Her handover folder is nice & chunky and Hannah has inherited all of my old files. Plus, naturally, she is the new owner of the giant inflatable letters!

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Hannah will be an amazing VPDR and has a whole host of quality experience and expertise in the Guild of Students, including a year as an Independent Chair, several years on Guild Council and much volunteering with Kids Adventure. She has also experienced life as a Post-Graduate and studied abroad for a year in New Zealand!

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Her campaigns for the year include:-

• a review of Guild Council, especially how it will fit into the new University College structure.
• consulting students about the design of the Guild's new bar.
• supporting the EEO to help reduce the Guild's carbon footprint.
• working with the VPSAD to ensure student bands can perform at the Guild.
• and, of course, increasing voter turnout and encouraging more candidates to run in Guild elections!

The new Officer team moved into our/their offices on Friday. They have also started up their blogs - check 'em out now!

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http://www.hannahlazellvpdr.blogspot.com/

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Good luck, Hannah - you will have an awesome year.

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Signing Over

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This morning we signed the relevant legal documents to dissolve the old Guild and form a new Guild, Limited by Guarantee with shiny new governance structures and a lean, coherent Constitution.

It was a historic - and slightly boring - moment.

I was half expecting fireworks or champagne but it was a short, simple, five-minute job.

Nevertheless, we were all happy to know that it was finally over: a new Guild has been formed!

The official creation of the Guild is tomorrow at midnight, smack bang in the middle of our leaving party. Maybe we'll get that champagne after all!

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Sabb N Wedding!

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Last Saturday, myself and Will Bastin (Vice-President of Sport) went to our mate Ben's wedding in the mighty Nottingham.

Will was an usher and I was a mess!

And it got me thinking. Being married is a lot like being in a Sabb team.

• There's always lots of bickering.
• You share a bank account (for stationery).
• You have to remain faithful to each other, even if you disagree with decisions.
• You're stick together (especially in Guild Council) in sickness and in health.
• Eventually you have kids (Elects) and have to teach them the ways of the world.

You also kind of get the feeling that you're married for life and I just know that after the 1st of August I'm still going to be e-mailing the Sabbs daily!

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Baroness Morgan

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Last Wednesday, I met my second Baroness in five days!

The Baroness this time was Baroness Morgan and she had asked the NUS to arrange for a group of students to meet with her at DIUS (Department for Innovation, University & Skills) in London to discuss reducing carbon emissions.

We basically sat down and talked to Baroness Morgan about the environmental initiatives that take place in the student movement. These included descriptions on Sound Impact, Carbon Academy and NUSSL's other upcoming schemes, such as the coca-cola-sponsored Equipment Efficiency Scheme.

The Baroness was very interested to hear about all of our best practise.

Unfortunately, the meeting was quite poorly-structured and nothing was decided by the end. It felt like more of a conversation than a meeting with clear action points for moving ahead.

But a conversation is better than talking to yourself. Hopefully, more meetings will follow with Baroness Morgan and the DIUS, meaning that students are leading the initiatives to prevent climate change.

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The Degree Congregation Dinner

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To mark the end of the many degree congregations, the University held their annual Degree Congregation Dinner in the Great Hall last Friday evening. And the University were kind enough to invite the Sabbatical Officers.

The evening was par excellence.

We arrived with our guests and were announced by the Master of Ceremonies as we entered on a red carpet. We were then greeted by the Vice-Chancellor and the Chancellor himself, Sir Dominic Cadbury.

After a Reception of champagne and exquisite canapes (see right), we were escorted to the Great Hall for a five course dinner, honorary speeches and much free wine & port.

The evening ended with entertainment from a Birmingham choir.

Parfait!

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Baroness Amos

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Last Friday, the University gave Baroness Valerie Amos an honorary doctorate for her work in development issues, human rights and equality.

Here is what the degree program said about her:-

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"Valerie Amos was Leader of the House of Lords until 2007. She has a particular interest in development issues, human rights and equality and was Tony Blair's special representative to the G8 on Africa and recently represented Prime Minister Gordon Brown at the European Union/African Union Summit in Lisbon. In 2003, she became the first black woman in a British Cabinet as Secretary of State for International Development."

So we thought whilst she's in the neighbourhood, we might as well ask her to officially open the Amos Room here in the Guild! After all, it was named after her through a Guild Council motion two years ago.

Baroness Amos accepted our invitation and after receiving her doctorate she visited our Guild for the official opening and a tour. She thanked us kindly and in her speech mentioned that she was truly honoured. She also spoke about all the great work that we do ourselves in the Guild for our students and how she is very impressed by all the different ways we help people.

It was a true pleasure meeting Baroness Amos and I hope she visits again soon. We gave her a free Guild of Students mug so if you see her drinking out of it on the news then you know where it came from!

Now we just need to get Nelson Mandela to open the Mandela Room...

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Doctor Zephaniah, I Presume

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The highpoint of my week presiding over graduation ceremonies was definately Dr Benjamin Zephaniah's acceptance speech when receiving his honorary doctorate.

Dr Benjamin Zephaniah is a British Rastafarian writer and dub poet - a type of performance poetry spoken over reggae beats that originated in the 1970s. He is a well-known figure in contemporary English Literature and has said that his mission is to fight the dead image of poetry in academia and take it to all of the people, even those who don't read books.

The degree programme features the following description of Dr Benjamin Zephaniah:

"Benjamin Zephaniah's first poetry collection, Pen Rhythm, was published in 1980, followed by The Dread Affair: Collected Poems (1985) and Rasta Time in Palestine (1990). He has been Writer in Residence in Africa Arts Collective in Liverpool and Creative Artist in Residence at Cambridge University. His first collection of poetry for children, Talking Turkeys, went into emergency reprint after six weeks. He has also writeen novels for teenages, including Face (19990, described by the author as a story of 'facial discrimination.'"

I was particularly excited by Dr Zephaniah's speech because I have been reading and studying his work since I was in Year 7. His poetry always provided great analysis in English lessons ( especially during modules on racism in literature) and was even more enjoyable to watch.

And his speech last week contained that same energy and spontaniety that I have to come to expect from Dr Zephaniah. Here are the highlights of his speech:-

• after being introduced by Kate McKluskie as an anti-establishmentarian, angry, disruptive poet, Dr Zephaniah turned to the audience and gave an innocent, cheeky shrug.
• "I was asked to mention something positive about Birmngham. Here it is: Aston Villa."
• "I am a poet and would love to reach out and touch you all... but that would be illegal."
• "I was once told that normal people see... but poets observe."
• "I then started observing things everywhere I went. I stood outside a police station observing the people inside. And they stood inside observing me. And I thought... this place is full of poets!"
• "I was expelled from school when I was thirteen. Nowadays they call it being 'excluded' because it doesn't sound as bad."
• "My teacher told me that I was a born failure. I want you to think about that for a moment. I wasn't developing into a failure. I was a born failure. Can you imagine how that made me feel?"
• "Myself and my tutor at Cambridge were once rowing slowly down a river with sticks. Posh people call it punting. But you're actually just rowing slowly down a river with sticks."
• "I've rejected five honorary degrees before now. However, Birmingham means a lot to me. It was where I grew up and I am proud to except this one."
• Final words: "Mum, I know you worked hard when you came over here. You got qualified and became a nurse. Well, you may be a nurse... but now I am a doctor!"

Well-deserved, well-said, well done. Legend!

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Congratulations Graduates!

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Last week, over twenty degree congregations took place in the Great Hall of Aston Webb. Two of the seven Sabbs attended each ceremony as representatives of the Guild, which involves donning the Guild ceremonial robes and marching with the procession.

It also involves a heck of a lot of clapping.

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I sat in six ceremonies myself and thoroughly enjoyed each and every one of them. I was surprised how many people I knew, despite graduating myself over a year ago.

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The Medic graduation was memorable because it ended with the graduates standing and reciting the Medic Oath.

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However, the most memorable was the Drama graduation for two reasons: firstly because the Drama students are so loud and flamboyant that every single graduate was congratulated with a chorus of whoops and hollers. Secondly, my girlfriend graduated in this ceremony!

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This meant that I got to impress my in-laws by marching on stage with the rest of the processions. Bonus points!

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Overall, presiding over degree congregations gave me the same sense of pride that I felt back in December. You really feel attached to the students after a year in office, especially after sitting through plagiarism appeal hearings and listening to students' hardship.

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But when they finally get that degree and shake the Chancellor's hand, you see how happy, relieved and proud they are after years of hard work.

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Definately one of the perks of the job :)

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Nice Weather For A Jog

Last Wednesday was the University Well-Being Day, designed to care for the health of all of its employees. This meant the welcome return of the Farmers' Market and the Annual Corporate Relay.

Not wanting to be outdone by the University, the mighty Guild of Students entered the Mixed Corporate Relay. Our team consisted of:-

• Simon 'Fast Food' Fairbanks - VP Democracy & Resources.
  
• Will 'The Bullet' Bastin - VP Sport.
  
• Rich 'Wild West' Walker - VP Student Activities & Development Elect.
  
• Rachel Hares - a last minute addition from the Munrow Sports Centre.

And happy days, we came third!

After twenty-five minutes of running around campus in the rain, each of us ran a mile and we picked up the bronze medal! We were each rewarded with a pair of very short running shorts and the satisfaction of beating the University.

And our team name? We were called The Removal of Sabb Spread!

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Hydrogen Cars!

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Two Tuesdays ago, the Sabbs were invited to the University's Marketing & Communication Department's yearly shindig, which takes place in a marquee on campus complete with the usual chocolate fountain, buffet and free wine.

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The event was the launch of the University's new campaign called Original Thinking. This celebrates the innovation and research accomplishments of the University that have taken place over the past century. There is a huge sign of this at New Street Station and numerous black cabs have it tattooed on their side.

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But the most exciting part of this event was the University's innovation hydrogen cars! These were invented by students of the University a few years ago and will hopefully become mainstream in the next ten years.

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The cars, roughly the size of Smart Cars, are run on hydrogen and are therefore carbon neutral. They are also extremely silent. Therefore, they cut down on both environmental pollution and noise pollution!

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We were allowed rides in the cars around campus. See right for a picture of student Steve Streatfield in one of the cars!

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I was very impressed that the University are taking steps to save the planet.

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Original Thinking indeed!

I Passed My Driving Test!

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"Get off the road!" - Frodo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring.

This is completely unrelated to Guild life and student politics...

...but I finally passed my driving test! And only eleven minors!

The roads will never be the same again.

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The Students Have Left The Building

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The year officially ended for our students on Friday 20th June when results were announced and sad farewells were exchanged.

I had to accompany my housemate to get her results because she was physically shaking with nerves and it reminded me so much of the intensity of my own results day the year before!

The last day of the year - and particularly the last day of University ever! - is always an emotional whirlwind and there was much crying at Fab N Friday in the evening. It was particularly strange for me because I had already lived through my last ever week of University once already and my Exec 'bonus' year has now put me through another one.

But once again, I felt a bit numb to it all. Last year, I knew I had another year to go as an Exec Officer. Whereas this year, I finally feel ready to leave, as the Exec year has eased me out of mainstream University life.

So it was a strange day!

But even more strange will be July. The Guild is only open 9am-5pm, Selly Oak becomes a ghost town (see picture) and campus is practically deserted. The students have left the building!

Nevertheless, I'm still here in office until 1st August so I'll continue to blog. I seriously doubt anyone is reading anymore...

...but that's never stopped me before!

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The Circus Comes To Town!

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I embarked on my thirteenth Carnage on Wednesday 18th June!

Carnage, organised three times a year by our RAG Society Carnival, is a particular highlight to many students' time at University and brings students together for a night of fancy dress and excitement.

Carnage also remains the only bar crawl that welcomes all students, whereas the rest are usually confined to a Course or a Hall or a Society.

And most importantly, each Carnage raises between £8k-£10k for local Birmingham charities!

As an ex-Carnival Committee member (I was an Ent for a year and then Vice-President for a year) I chose the fancy dress theme for two years running. Nevertheless, I was mightily impressed by this year's theme: Carnival! Not only did it offer a wealth of opportunity but it was the name of the society itself!

Naturally, every interpretted it as a Circus theme and there was no shortage of clowns and mime artists on Broad Street! Myself and Will Bastin (VP Sport) are pictured above!

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The Grad Ball 2008!

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The Grad Ball was phenomenal this year!

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I even enjoyed it more than my own Grad Ball last year. Here are some of the reasons why:-

• the Hoosiers were quality.
• the Foundations were even better!
• the Silent Disco was an awesome new introduction and was rammed after midnight.
• the Fireworks were a second awesome new introduction.
• the usual free fairground was as great and free as ever.
• the casino was particularly hilarious with people looking serious as if they were playing with real money.
• the food was much better than last year.
• and the Exec were sat on the alcohol-laden VIP tables!

Most exciting for me, however, was the opportunity to write the speech in the menus. I hope my words resonated with people and they realised just how much they had done with their three years of University.

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Here is the speech:-

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"Tonight marks the end of your time here at the University of Birmingham and I sincerely hope that you enjoy the food, fireworks and fairground. We have excellent entertainment provided for you by the Hoosiers, not to mention the Grad Ball’s first ever silent disco. With only a few days left before the end of term, I know you will make the most of this evening!

I’m sure, like me, you look back on the past three years as an exciting and unique period of your life. Whether you joined a student group, represented your fellow students in Guild Council, volunteered in the local area, competed on the Sports field, worked as part of our Student-Staff team or even just drank at our bar – I hope you enjoyed your time at the Guild of Students as much as I have.

If this year’s Grad Ball is anything like mine last year, then tonight will be full of laughs, tears and sad farewells. I will certainly miss Birmingham but I have enough fond memories and Facebook photos to last me for a lifetime! And remember, it’s not goodbye. It’s just goodbye for now.

Good luck with your results and see you at graduation!

Simon Fairbanks

Vice-President (Democracy & Resources)"

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The Last Guild Council of the Year

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It's strange to think how quickly this year has passed. There were times during e-voting crashes when I thought I wasn't gonna make it and there were other times when the weeks were just flying by.

But now the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight.

And in many ways, the last Guild Council of the year is the season finale of a Sabbatical's year. It is the time when they receive their Guild Life Membership and they are given free reign to bore the Councillor's with their 20-minute speeches (or 35-minutes in my case).

Nevertheless, it was a memorable, celebration of a year's work and I will remember it for the following reasons:-

• We began with a free BBQ for all of our Guild Councillors.
• We took photographs of Guild Council in Mermaid Fountain beforehand.
• The Guild bye-laws were approved - due to accompany the new Memorandum & Articles of Association and therefore the new Guild itself on the 1st of August!
• Lizzy Ralph engaged in a fierce debate with Tom Whittaker (Chair of Debating Society, no less!) over whether we should remove Standing Societies from the new Guild bye-laws.
• Rhea received a long-overdue commendation for her work on Governance this year. Rhea then asked that we commend all of the Exec instead.
• Rhea and Lizzy received a commendation for their work aiding Carnival hitch-hike Coordinator Johnny Davis when he was battling against fraudulent Newquay hostel-owners trying to steal our deposits.
• Steve Streatfield was commended for generally being awesome - admittedly he isn't an Exec Officer but we gave him a ruddy good round of applause anyway!
• My motion, Now Is The Library of our Discontent, was approved, which aims to provide better provision of Shakespeare critical texts in the Main Library as English Students currently have to travel all the way to the Shakespeare Institute for these texts.
• We received our Sabbatical Life Membership - thank you Guild Council.
• We were permitted to bore people with our incredibly long leaving speeches. I managed to make four out of the six remaining Sabbs cry - happy days!
• We thanked our amazing Independent Chairs by awarding them each an engraved gavel.

Overall, it was a great end to our year as Sabbatical Officers.

Thank you to all Guild Councillors who have participated this year. We couldn't do anything without your valuable attendance as Student Representatives.

I will miss being interrogated by each and every one of you!

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The Newquay Hitch 2008

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The roller-coaster of activity in the final weeks of Semester Three continues!

At 4am on Wednesday the 11th June I was waking up and dressing as a hula girl for my eleventh Carnival hitch-hike! And it was as good as ever!

I did the following things:-

• My hitch three-some arrived fourth after getting lifts from several people.
• I hired a wetsuit & surf board and rode some phat waves.
• Myself and Rich Walker (VPSAD Elect) buried our friend Jinesh Lal (see right).
• We watched The Apprentice Final and cheered when Lee McQueen won!
• We had a BBQ on the beach.
• We played crazy golf and I came second.
• We drank quite a bit.
• I ate an ice-cream.

Another classic hitch-hike and it's always nice to have three days away from the Guild :)

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Vale Festival 2008

One of the highlights of the year took place on Tuesday 10th June --> Vale Festival!

Now in it's fourth year, Vale Festival has always taken place to bring students together through their passion for good music, the environmental and sustaining the earth. Vale Festival remains true to the mentality of reduce, re-use and recycle.

This year was no exception and the theme was orientated around providing clean drinking water for under-developed countries. The total amount of money raised therefore was split three ways between Water Aid, Pump Aid and Play Pumps International.

The average person in Africa uses just 5 litres of water a day. Yet look at how we waste even larger amounts of water:-

10 litres - used with every toilet flush.
19 litres - wasted every minute a tap is left running.
50 litres - used in a single dishwasher cycle.
90 litres - wasted by a dripping tap in a week.
95 litres - used in a single washing machine cycle.

Pretty shocking statistics!

Anyway, Vale Festival was as great as ever, with a wide variety of activites and music styles. The capoeira was particularly impressive but the Jungle Jam tent remains my firm favourite.

The Sabbs felt we should do something for Vale Festival this year, so we hired some big squashy bean bags and brought along Molly the Mermaid (made from chicken wire and re-used plastic bags)!

Overall verdict: H2-O yeah!
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Molly the Mermaid

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Myself and Lizzy (and my girlfriend Laura Clark) came into work on Sunday 8th June to create a Mermaid made out of chicken wire and used plastic bags!

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This was to be the centre piece of our stall at Vale Festival. We thought making a structure from old plastic bags fitted in perfectly with the Festival's history for encouraging a more environmentally-friendly, recycling and sustainable world.

We named our Mermaid Molly.

The day ended with the FOCSOC BBQ on the Underground Lawn and we ate burgers & partied on an inflatable disco bouncy castle.

Being a Sabb is great!

Pritchattsbury 2008!

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I only blogged twice last month so I've got some catching-up to do!

Let's nip back in time to Saturday 7th June... Pritchattsbury!

I'm ashamed to say that this was my first ever experience of Pritchattsbury and I had such a good time that I can't believe I had not been before.

These are some things that I did:-

• had my face-painted at the Oxfam tent.
• played with Circus Society's juggling balls.
• played with Circus Society's poy.
• congratulated Pritchatt's Park President, Frank Wilcox, on organising a great festival (see right)!
• bought three bottles of beer for £5.
• ate a burger.
• didn't see a single band all day!

All in all, it was a very impressive day and I will definately be there next year.

My Leaving Speech

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Guild Council!

Anyone who knows me will tell you, that I am a closet geek for film and television. When I ran in the Exec Elections 2007, I saw the whole two week adventure as a film, with myself as the dashing lead tackling the drama of a student election. Well, if the election was the film, then this past year has been the spin-off TV series of the movie.

And being a Sabb is like living through a whole range of television.

Some days I feel like I’m in 24 – because there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Other days it’s more like Lost – because I just haven’t got a clue what’s going on. I usually respond to stuff with: "Don't know, don't know, ask Lizzy, ask Rhea."
Then on other days it’s like Big Brother – a bunch of misfits in a house and everyone is bickering with each other. Sabb Catch-Up, anyone?

But above all else, being a Sabb is like being a contestant on The Apprentice. Forget a twelve-week interview process. We have just lived a twelve-month interview process. Only the irony is, we were given the job based on manifestos and gimmicks and only afterwards did the real interview begin.

And as Lee McQueen, winner of this year’s Apprentice said: “If you don’t perform, you’re out. Simple as that.”

And Lee is spot on. We were all put here by students and we can have our term of office be taken away by students. So we have to perform. We have to represent. We have to make life better for our membership and guide this Guild in the right direction. Because there is no greater motivator, no greater pressure, than having 3,000 votes resting on your shoulders.

And I hope I have earned those votes this year because the morning after Results Night, I woke up (fully-clothed) with the VPDR Elect badge hanging around my neck... and I was brickin’ it. And I still am now.

The most common question I'm usually asked about my time as a Sabb (normally on one of the bad days when I'm looking a bit worn out) is: "Do you wish now that you hadn’t run?"

Quite simply, no. Absolutely not.

Yes, this has been a hard year. Yes, there have been times when I’ve spent the night awake worrying about e-voting crashing. And some days I’ve been exhausted and felt like I was walking under water.

But when I look back on past Semesters, I only remember the good stuff. I remember training the RAs in the Shropshire Woods, or breaking quoracy during the Refendum, or getting the Award for Most Improved Bar at the NUSSL Awards, or team-building at Lizzy’s Farm, or setting foot on the NUS Conference Floor (which by the way is the largest democratic event in Western Europe and truly breath-taking).

To quote David Brent who is quoting Dolly Parton: "Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don't know whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down."

And this year has been full of peaks and troughs. My highest peak of this year – without a doubt – was the Referendum. And not just breaking quoracy but the whole trip. Door-knocking, the events in Halls, the balloons, the badges and seeing those giant inflatable letters inflated for the first time (which I'm still amazed they let me buy!) And it was our highest turnout in fifteen years and it affected everything.

Ironically, my lowest trough of the year happened just four weeks later – the Exec Elections, which led to our lowest turnout in recent years. It was always going to be the difficult second album. At the time, it was like the organisation had just topped Mount Everest and then were told we still had the Himalayas to go.

Speculation can run wild on this. Maybe it was e-voting, maybe it was a lower number of candidates, maybe it was because there was not much fancy dress. Or maybe the NUS are right about this Election Fatigue that they keep publishing papers about – how you can’t have two massive engagement votes in the space of each other.

Either way, it was hard and still is hard to hear people berating the low turnout. Especially as people seemed to have forgotten our most monumental democratic achievement this year which occurred a month before and saw 4,000 people vote.

And frustratingly, I had such great plans for those elections. I was going to expand and relocate the Hustings, I was going to provide day-long training for the candidates and I was hoping to do lecture shout-outs in the months leading up to the nominations.

But that’s all going in the Handover Folder and next year I have every confidence we’ll annihilate that turnout.

As for the second most common question I get asked, it is usually: "How did I cope?"

Well, aside from TV and the gym, it was my colleagues and friends who got me through this year. But I’ll save the Sabbs till last because I desperately want to make some of them cry.

So firstly – our most valuable resource: the non-Sabbs.

Non-Sabbs are great.

They remind me of that fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm about the Elves and the Shoemaker. Bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this. Because I often go days without seeing the non-Sabbs and then without me noticing they have come into the Guild and performed some great achievement. Whether it’s a BNP protest, a Post-Graduate Ball, a Council Chambers full of Home Students in Welcome Week or a new Environmental Policy – I am never anything short of impressed. Especially, considering they are still doing their studies.

And that is the other most important aspect to non-Sabbs: they are still students! We sit in our offices, waffling about students’ issues all day but the non-Sabbs are out there, in our libraries, in our lecture theatres, ears-to-the-ground, living the student experience.

Their input and campaigns are vital to what we do and I hope I have always appreciated you being there for us.

I’m going to single-out Julien, because I’ve worked with him most closely this year on Sound Impact and environmental issues. Julien is the most passionate individual I have ever met, so much so that he has troubles controlling the volume of his voice and new decibel levels are reached in my office whenever we’re meeting about stuff.

He is also intensely ethical – he wears his conscience on his sleeve and thinks about everything at great length before committing to it. I have watched Julien progress and develop a lot this year and he is barely recognisable to the guy who used to sit on the back row and heckle the Exec. It's been a pleasure to work with the guy.

So non-Sabbs are great.

But the most forgotten of the Guild Officers are the Independent Chairs. The Chairs make a huge sacrifice to do their job because they have to give up student-staff jobs, society positions, Guild Councillor votes – and for this sacrifice they do one of the hardest jobs and are seldom thanked. Well, I’m thanking you now. Thank you, thank you, danke shon.

We have been nothing short of blessed this year to have such a great trio of Independent Chairs. This Guild Council has been turned around superbly in twelve months. The meetings always end at a reasonable hour, the introduction of the frogs has worked smoothly and I like to feel that everyone knows what’s going on nowadays.

Fabian – I have never met anyone so passionate about democracy as you. You have been a fantastic guy to work with and the Guild is lucky to have you as an Independent Chair for the next year.

Hannah – I am chuffed to bits that you are my Elect. You know the Guild inside-and-out and your heart is firmly in the right place. I can’t promise that our handover will be as great as it was two weeks ago at the Union Show where we were showered with free alcohol, but it will be pretty close.

And Will – I need to thank you especially because the hardest parts of my year have been during Election Season. You have been there throughout all eight cross-campus elections. You have been absolutely selfless, attending every Elections Committee meeting, helping me tackle the hardest investigations that could ever have been thrown at me and I owe you so much. Your judgement and advice has always been spot-on and I owe you more than a few drinks. And when you become a teacher, let me know where, because I’ll be sending my kids to your school.

Okay, so, They Who Must Not Be Named… the staff! Well, I’ll save my staff thanks for my leaving-do otherwise the Chairs might start whacking the gavel at me.

So let’s do the Sabbs. In no particular order… I’ll start with Bolt.

There are two things that impress me about Vice-President of Welfare Sarah Bolt.

Number One, I have never seen anybody achieve so much.
Number Two, I have never seen anybody drink so much.

Vodbolt’s got that perfect balance between being an Officer and being a student, which is probably why her campaigns are so relevant and registered across campus. In one year alone, she has delivered on the fully-functioning Night Bus, a Mental Health Week (including writing the University’s Mental Health Policy), she has put Disabled Students back on the agenda, won a classic victory for Post-Graduate Council Tax and she ran nationally for the National Executive Committee on the NUS.

She didn’t win :(

But their loss is our gain and they will never know what they had missed out on. And I respect you so much for just going for it anyway, no factional support, no year of duty on the Block of Twelve… you simply knew you could do a better job, armed yourself with orange t-shirts and condoms and male/female Chlamydia tests (which by the way, I’m pretty sure I mixed up when handing them out) and you just went for it.

You are quality.

Next… Vice-President of Housing & Community, Naushabah Khan.

What is Naush?!

I’ve actually known Naush the longest. She was the first girl I spoke to since arriving at Uni and I was her first guy. I later found out she thought I was gay. And I think she probably still does …

We have many names for Naush around the office. Naush ‘Ghengis’ Khan, Naushy Naushy, Tasmanian Devil… but my favourite is Happiness on Heels. Because we all love Naush and she makes me happy without even trying or realising and that is a wonderful thing to be able to do.

Admittedly, there’s times when I’m scared of her. And we are all lucky to have her fighting for our housing rights because when we set her off over at HAS, she is a little like Scrappy-Doo and we have to hold her back: “Let me at him, let me at him!” But she’s also very sweet and my days will be a lot less interesting without her being around.

Vice-President of Sport, Will Bastin. My fellow bloke!

I’m an only child. So everywhere I go I look for foster siblings. And Will is both like a little brother and a big brother at the same time – although it usually depends on whether he has been out the night before.

Will has single-handedly helped me survive a Sabb corridor full of girls. Because when the going got tough, we got to the gym or went for a run or went hunting or started a fire and poked it with a stick :)

Will is a legend in every sense of the word. He is one of the most disciplined, hard-working and thoughtful people I have worked with this year. He juggled his Sabb job with playing for the first basketball team and was working twelve hour days for a long time on top of his rigorous training schedule.

He is an inspiration to me and not only does he keep me in shape and look after the guns – but he keeps my whole being in shape, making sure I don’t breakdown and keep coming to work, even on the hard days. So, thanks for being there bro.

And if Will is my brother, then Lizzy is my sister. And my friend. And my landlady (although you need to sort out Matt Targett's washing-up). And my mentor. And my greatest source of advice. And, if my Mum gets her way, she’ll be employing me in the future.

The first time my Mum met Lizzy, she asked if Lizzy would give me a job. Now, I’m not sure exactly what it is that my Mum thinks Lizzy does – but either way, I’d happily let her be my boss one day.

Because, I am genuinely scared of life without Lizzy. The past three years she has always been there for me. She was my President during my service to the mighty Carnival. And then she was my campaigning partner. And then she let me into her house. And now she cooks my lasagne.

So the idea that one day I won’t bump into Lizzy in the corridor or on campus frightens my immensely and makes me feel really sad and alone. But… that’s why we have Facebook! So I love you lots and I respect everything you have ever said or done or are about to do.

And now for Vice-President of Education & Access, Laura Sadler.

I am in awe of Laura Sadler. You may not know this but this is her third year on the Exec. Two years ago, she created the position for Home Students’ Officer because she identified a problem and sorted it out. She even met Gordon Brown because this was such an impressive achievement.

In her spare time, Laura jets around the world to Japan and Albania helping out Scouts and Guides. She’s like an international agent for the rights of young people.

And furthermore, she destroyed a car park! She realised it was unsafe for Home Students who mostly travel to Uni by car and asked the University for better CCTV. And then, when the University investigated, they instead discovered that it was structurally unsound and next minute they destroyed it!

I feel very privileged to have worked with Laura this year. She is the peak of professionalism, she always has time and guidance for the rest of us, she e-mails us articles about education issues, she fought to maintain the abortion time limit at 24-weeks and her drowning in debt campaign is so good, that the mighty Leeds have totally ripped it off! They even gave it the same name!

So Sadler, you are amazing.

Okay, lastly, top of the pile, the gaffer! The President – Rhea Keehn.

I reckon you all probably underestimate Rhea the most. Because, she is the first to admit that she isn’t one for ranting on a podium in Guild Council, making profound speeches. She may sometimes seem quiet whilst I’m doing all the talking (trying to be funny) but believe me when I say this: Rhea is the best thing that has happened to this Guild and she has driven every step of change that you have seen (or not seen) this year!

She has revolutionised it. When we all arrived, she had a hard time getting started. There was not a scrap of paper left in her office when she moved in and whilst this wasn’t great for handover, it at least gave her a blank canvas to work with. And starting with the bare bones of our governance structures, she painted a picture and worked up.

And thank goodness she did because the Guild was in a right jumble when we started. And not just in terms of Governance. The University perceived us as a very unprofessional little pest. Our communication internally and externally was confused. And all the while, the Satellite Site remained ignored and disengaged.

And Rhea has now set things back on track... in less than a year! The Referendum passed, the bye-laws passed and we are heading full-steam into a new company, a new Guild, on 1st August and Rhea is in the driving seat.

Moreover, our relationship with the University has never been better, the Satellite Sites are back in touch with us thanks to Rhea’s mini-Guild campaign and feedback from the SUEI evaluation says that our Guild staff is working together and working harder than ever before because of the motivation from the Officer team.

Rhea is a great leader and I turn to her whenever I’m stressing out because I get reassured, relaxed and reminded about why I got myself into this job in the first place. Rhea loves this place and it shines through in everything that she does and she has had a difficult time this year in all areas of life but she keeps coming back and kicking ass.

Groucho Marx once said: “Only one man in a thousand is a leader, the other 999 follow women.” Well, I reckon ten times that number would follow Rhea.

We all did cheesy posters at the start of the year and Rhea’s quote was: “I’m not the President, I’m your President.”

Well, you have taken that so seriously this year because you have been absolutely selfless this year. We always come first, the students always come first – and for that reason more than anything – you are our President. And you are my President.

RIGHT! Tears… done!

Thanks are over so where are we going from here?

The future!

It’s very exciting. You have elected another exciting and dynamic team of Officers. They have much in common with our team – a great mix of ex-RAs, Guild Councillors, Brummies, outsiders and mighty representatives from Carnival.

So, let me give you some advice.

Look after yourself. Sleep. Exercise. Eat fruit.
Look after the staff. They will get you through the year. Keep them motivated.
Look after the students. You were put here by them. Keep that in mind.
Look after each other. Your greatest support is in each other. Make sure you are crying this time next year... for the right reasons.
And most importantly, look after the Guild. This place means so much to so many people. Keep is heading in the right direction.

And whilst I’m dishing put advice… Guild Council, I am advising you to look after your Exec. Because if you look after your Exec, they will look after the Guild and the Guild will look after you.

Support them, help them, understand them. Realise that sometimes things will go wrong and the answer will be ‘no.’ They can’t move mountains. Although we certainly have climbed a few this year.

Don’t berate them for failing, thank them for trying.

I think all of us have had sleepless nights this year because of Guild business. That’s not because we’ve drank too much Redbull - that’s because we genuinely care about making life better for you.

And I’ve seen so much negativity this year.

I’ve seen my fellow Officers been asked snide and obnoxious questions to make them feel like failures, I’ve seen us reduced to tears after difficult meetings and - just thirty minutes after starting the Referendum Facebook Group - somebody had already written a negative comment. And I then had to carry that negativity around with me for the next two weeks of non-stop campaigning.

That’s not good enough. Once again: look after your Exec, they will look after the Guild and the Guild will look after you. Let’s bring the feel-good vibe back in the building.

And whilst I’m on this point, I was asked at the last Guild Council why more people don’t come to Guild Council. And by the end of the last meeting, that question was pretty much answered, when we wouldn’t let GTV change their name. We basically attacked those two poor girls over a name-change. Ridiculous!

They just wanted to change their name! And before they knew it, people started questioning them and speaking against them and throwing procedural motions left, right and centre. Watching from the sidelines, I just saw a room ganging up on two relative newcomers to our meeting. In my book, that is known as bullying.

And who wants to come to a meeting - a clique - and be bullied?! So getting people to Guild Council isn’t about simplifying the process, chopping procedural motions or offering more food... it’s about a change of culture and that won’t happy quickly. Just respect newcomers, let them in and help them out.

Because we are a Guild – a Union. And the word Union means to unite and pool together to make life better for us all. Let’s not forget that.

Anyway, the further future. It’s as exciting as ever. The Guild rumour-mill means that I’ve heard quite a few interesting names of people who may be running for the Exec next year.

My advice is go for it! And if you’re having doubts, go for it anyway! The experience of the two-week campaign is worth running alone because it is so much fun. And if you’re not having fun, then you’re doing something wrong.

And you’ll have the best, most intense, surprising, exciting and worthwhile year of your life if you do get elected.

And you get put up on the boards in the Council Chambers.

And that is forever.

Here's a few quick secrets to getting elected:-

Lots of fancy dress.
Lots of door-knocking.
Lots of fun :)

So, I’m done. I’ve reached the end of my year. I always panicked that I wouldn’t make an impact this year but as Gandalf said: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

Well, I’m leaving you with a green-lit building redevelopment.
I’m leaving you with our highest voter turnout in fifteen years.
I’m leaving you with a Sound Impact Award and the Most Improved Bar in the UK.
I’m leaving you with a whole host of blogs, with at least eighty posts on mine (I have too much time on my hands!).
I’m leaving you with giant inflatable letters – which are badly-punctured and we have no where to put them. Good luck with that, Hannah!

Most importantly, I’m leaving you hopefully with proof that anyone can step up and do this job. There are no obvious routes into life as a Sabb and it certainly wasn’t planned for a Carnival Receptionist such as myself. Although I'm glad to see a second Carnival Receptionist has made it as a Sabb - the Walkertron!

And I’m leaving you with a different, creative, unorthodox and (hopefully) successful way of doing things.

Quite simply, I’m leaving you.

Final words are always tricky. They have to be memorable and profound. Yet, bizarrely, the most memorable words I have ever uttered were the most ridiculous bag of cheesy nonsense that I’ve ever said.

This occurred two years ago on the podium of the Guild Awards 2006 when myself and Lizzy, partner-in-crime, were talking about our experience on Carnival.

And my final words were: “Some days it’s a duty, some days it’s a privilege, but its always a pleasure!”

And I’ve been plagued with that nonsense ever since! But at least it got remembered, so here comes my new hopefully immortal set of cheesiness.

“Now that my name is engraved on the Council Chambers boards…

I will always be here in the Guild and the Guild will always be here in my heart.”

Thank you x

Simon Fairbanks

Vice-President (Democracy & Resources)

2007-08

The Union Show 2008

I had an awesome day with my Elect yesterday at the NUSSL Union Show 2008 hosted in Telford.

h

The Union Show is an annual event whereby Officers and Staff members from Students' Unions can sample free products for their bars and shop to work out what new stock they might like to order in for the following year.

j

Our Venues staff went along with the purchase order forms to talk business so myself and Hannah pretty much had a quality day of being showered with freebies!

u

The Union Show has a carnivalesque atmosphere - imagine the Freshers Fair on steroids and you're pretty much there. Here is a list of what I encountered:-

• people dressed as monkeys untying my shoelaces.
• a samurai on stilts.
• a computerised, LCD-screen pinball machine.
• a milk float of Red Bull.
• lots of people walking around with shot trays.
• an oven that cooked an entire pizza in 90-seconds.
• a giant ostrich.
• Dave Lewis.

Overall, it was a great handover session for Hannah, as she met various members of the NEC, NUSSL and Sabbs from other Unions. We also got to talk to lots of potential caterers for when we move towards serving food in the later stages of the Building Redevelopment.

Long live NUSSL!